Damn you Asylum.
We were praising you not more than one review ago. We used to talk about you at dinner parties. Friends would say, ‘Hey, when are you and Asylum hooking up next?’. We’d blush and try to avoid the question. No one wants to be rushed into things. But we got caught up in the moment. Maybe it was meant to be… Maybe we were meant to be together. Asylum, with its mockbusters and us, with our words. Oh, what a happy union it would be.
And then we saw 8213 Gacy House.
What happened Asylum? Your Sherlock Holmes, whilst rough round the edges, was a joy to watch. But this… We fear we will be unable to make small talk should we bump into each other in the aisles of Coles.
Gacy House is a lost footage movie. So, already you know what to expect; lots of shaky camera angles, people screaming ‘WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?’ and next to no actual sight of the ghost/monster/witch. Not that this is always a bad thing. Hell, Paranormal Activity excels at it and we rate it up there with The Last Broadcast.
Gacy House gives us all of the above and throws in the ghost of real life mass murderer John Wayne Gacy. Does this make it an exploitative film? Well, yes, but it gets worse.
The plot sees a group of parapsychologists investigating supposed paranormal phenomenon happenings at the titular house. With comes a busty pagan who accidently invokes the spirit of Gacy by offering him the shirt of her 8 year old neighbour. Yes, really. She will later be found in the movie performing the incantation ‘Talkus bollokus’ completely topless. Why is she topless? Well apparently Gacy really wants to see her boobs, as ripping off her shirt is the first thing he does before he starts his killing spree.
There’s something unnerving about using a convicted paedophile as your antagonist. As Gacy’s spirit begins to ‘flirt’ and touch up on of the young cameramen, I began to wonder if the writers of this film just came up with the title and worked backwards.
There are some very clever set pieces which, unfortunately come in the last ten minutes of the film. When one of protagonists films the view finder of his night vision camera to show us the naked form of Gacy that we can’t see in the corridor ahead of us, it sends a genuine chill up the spine. Bringing forth memories of the BBC’s Ghostwatch. An attempted escape from Gacy into a bedroom becomes a Escher-esque nightmare of neverending bedrooms; each as identical as the last.
A big kudos to the director for not including any beginning or end credits. The fate of our protagonists are summarised in the death certificates in their place. However, again, this marred by the need to shock, as we are informed at one of the cameramen was find dead from asphyxiation and undetermined internal rectal bleeding.
So, you see Asylum. This is why we could never love you. You give us much, but take away so much more… And your horror films have ghosts that ass-fuck people. That’s really weird.