Early Bird Film Society Improves: Rambo 5

So, Rambo is back… again. After teaching devout christians that it’s okay to beat someone to death with a rock as long as they took a shot at you first, Stallone has set the wheels in motion for a new episode in the franchise. Calling it the final one, Stallone says that John Rambo will be going out in a blaze of glory.

As much as we’re sure that this will make a shit load of money, we can’t help but think that Rambo needs to start moving with the times. And to keep up with the Joneses in this modern film community, there’s only one word you should be paying attention to… REBOOT! Oh yes, why end the series when you can just reboot and keep the story going on forever! What film hasn’t done well after a good old reboot of the franchise?

Okay, apart from Home Alone, the Pink Panther, Godzilla, The Incredible Hulk… Our point still stands. In celebration of us being right, we’ve had a look at a few ideas that could give the Rambo franchise a shot in the arm.

Gross out comedy: John Rambo is a normal 16 year old trying to survive high school and get with Suzie, the head cheerleader. However, Suzie’s affections lie with Frank the Tank, Burma High’s star quarterback and John’s nemesis. John will try anything and everything to get the girl he wants including dressing as a woman!

Imagine that!

80 minutes of pure juvenile humour is concluded when John gets one over Frank and kills him with a broken pencil.

Animation: Sylvester Stallone is Bambo, a baby deer who learns about life and love with the help of his forest friends.

Things take a turn for the worse when communist soldiers shoot and skin his mother. The last half an hour is an avalanche of ammo, blood and show tunes. Eddie Murphy plays a sarcastic fox.

Family film: John Rambo is a man who has trouble balancing his life as a mercenary with his responsibilities as a father to 12 year old Ricky. When he stumbles across an amulet in the cold dead hands of a Vietnamese soldier he’s just decapitated, Rambo begins to start seeing things more from Ricky’s point of view. Literally.

*Record scratch*

A secret curse on the amulet means that Ricky and Rambo swap bodies for 24 hours. With Ricky about to appear in the high school musical and Rambo about to taken on the entire Burmese Army, what will happen next?!

Sly, you can reach us by email or on twitter to flesh these out a bit more.

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