Gigli (2003)

In this romantic (?) comedy (?) from Martin Brest (Beverly Hills Cop), Ben Affleck plays Gigli; a mobster encouraged to kidnap the mentally challenged brother (Justin Bartha) of a federal prosecutor. Because Affleck is seemingly untrustworthy – maybe everyone thinks he’s going to sell the kid to a dealership for Pokemon money – Jennifer Lopez is hired to keep an eye on him.

There are many things wrong with this film.The dialogue reeks of being written by a 15 year old impersonating a Tarantino movie whilst Justin Bartha seems to be auditioning for the Rain Man 2. It’s a deeply offensive piece of work and we’ve seen A Serbian Film.

Ben Affleck playing an a-hole hit man? Wrong. Jennifer Lopez playing a sassy lesbian contractor? Wrong. The idea that lesbians just need the right kind of penis? Wrong. In fact, if you’re going to see one film where Ben-A converts a lesbian, make it Chasing Amy. At least everyone was vaguely likeable in that.

Gigli – the film we will always know as that film where J-Lo compares a mouth to a vagina and a penis to a sea slug.

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