Creature (2011)

Ever watched a film and thought, ‘Hang on! This is one of them blue movies where people wriggle on top of each other.’ Well, at times during your viewing of Creature, you’d be forgiven for thinking you’d inadvertently picked up a porno.

The premise is simple: A bunch of twentysomthings go camping in the woods and get themselves in a bit of a pickle with a half man/half crocodile beast named Lockjaw. When the gang arrive at their campsite, after what seems like a criminal amount of time spent to exposition and crazy rednecks, rather then get themselves all chewed up and spat out like any god fearing horror would let them, they split off into groups to indulge in some heavy petting, drunk girls being free and easy in tents and  couples masturbating whilst they watch others have sex. We wish we were joking. There’s so much flesh on show, we tutted to the point we realised we felt ridiculously old. Surely kids want more from horror, than this…

After everyone has wiped themselves down, a plot twist is thrown into the arena for good measure and it’s only then the film begins in earnest with less than minimal scares, ridiculous prosthetics and dialogue best forgotten. Those who like a lot of breasts with their undercooked horror may have a fun time, but for everyone else you’re best off letting this sink to the bottom of the bay.

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