Blood from the Mummy’s Tomb (1972)
Also known as Boobs from the Mummy’s Tomb. Also known as Boobs from the Booby’s Boob. Childish banter aside, this 1972 entry in the Hammer canon seems to owe more to the Carry On series than anything else. Somewhat adapted from a story by Bram Stoker, Margaret Fuchs (Valeire Leon) is given a ring by her archeologist father which, through the magic of something or other, possesses her with the spirit of an evil Egyptian Princess. When Hammer get it right, they really get it right. At other times, they give us this. Yes, there were troubles behind the scenes (Director Seth Holt sadly passed away before filming was complete), but the film has to be taken for what it is. A rather boring affair that no manner of camp or irony will save. Carry On Screaming is literally better and scarier than this.
Jurassic Shark (2012)
Another entry in the ‘Big Shark is Bigger Than is Expected! Ooh Scary!’ genre is Jurassic Shark. Reminiscent of Roger Corman’s school of filming, i.e. take a heist script and stick a monster in it, the film sees a group of ker-razy kids getting caught up in the playful shenanigans of a bunch of art thieves. Oh, and a Shark from the Jurassic period, because history. After losing their booty in the middle of a Jurassic Shark infested lake, the group of art thieves try to formulate plans to get it back. Nearly 90% of these involve wading into the water and being killed instantly. Whilst it’s painful to admit, there are much better Giant Shark movies to be found.
Hotel Inferno (2013)
Ever thought to yourself, ‘Wow! I sure do love video games, but I wish there was a way for me to enjoy my favourite violent FPS without the need to use a controller, my hands, my console and was actually a film.’ Well, you pernickety little bugger, there is such a thing. It’s called Hotel Inferno; a bloody action horror filmed entirely in first person. In short; a hitman is hired to take out some people in a hotel, but when the hit goes wrong – Bet you weren’t expecting that! – he has to fight his way past legions of the undead. And by legions, we mean 5… Tops. Hotel Inferno is a monument to patience enduring barrages of noise and puke. And that’s not a good thing. It’s really not. Adding to the misery is some of the worst dubbing seen since Resident Evil appeared on the PlayStation. A nightmare from beginning to end.