The Dark Knight Rises (2012) by @DonDubrow

The Dark Knight pushed the mythos of Batman into the stratosphere, creating an army of followers who react angrily to any criticism of their film with a mixture of venom and close mindedness that makes religious fanatics seem rationally open to discussion and reason. The Dark Knight was a good film, half an hour too long with a spectacular performance from the late Heath Ledger as the Joker, a flip side to Batman who wreaked havoc with abandon. The Dark Knight Rises contains nothing as good as Ledger’s work (maybe Wally Pfister’s excellent cinematography?) but does provide a fitting (strangely open ended?) conclusion to Christopher Nolan’s trilogy of the Bat. Suffering somewhat from the problems of cramming everyone in and tying up loose ends that have beset many a third parter of a franchise, TDKR is a long, fiercely staight faced,epic superhero film that will no doubt prove as bulletproof and indestructible to it’s devotees as it screams past $1,000,000,000 at the box office. We are going to sling a few arrows it’s way anyway….

Batman is (and always will be) a pig of a roll, a thin metaphor for the darkness within us, a Jungian cipher of confused yearning and loss. Keaton jumped after two films, fed up of being upstaged by scenery chewing villains, whilst Kilmer and Clooner brought only a muddled woodeness to their crusaders. Nolan and Bale have improved him somewhat, adding complexities of purpose and a mixed morality to this incarnation of the vigilante. Where they have excelled is in their work on Bruce Wayne, troubled, wracked with guilt and decidedly humanistic, Wayne is an excellent portrait of a haunted-behind-the-eyes billionaire, Hughesian with a dash of a Kennedy about him. TDKR showcases him perfectly, locked away from the world, broken of body and possibly mind, Bale plays him drawn, haggard and lonesome,a tall, dark, Byronic figure with a past we all know, it’s fine work from the Welshman….

….which brings us to Bane, the nemesis, a primal block of crypto communist rage, kept alive via anaethetics pumped into his gigantic facial wound via an almost Vader like mask. Tom Hardy does his best (emoting the shit out of things with his eyes), but ultimately, like De Niro’s Capone in The Untouchables, it’s the weight gain that is the performance. Hardy has pumped up to a WWE level to play Bane, a man who’s special power appears to be punching really hard and suffocating anyone and everyone. In many ways, Bane is a worse role than Batman, fine in motion and violence, shots of an unmoving, eighty percent obscured face with a raspy, distorted, sometimes unintelligible, plummy, English accent screeching from the speakers are as bad as they sound.

Ignoring the two “showcase” parts is wiser. Joseph Gordon Levitt pulls on his deep voice shoes and performs admirably as a beat cop promoted to detective during the crisis. Anne Hathaway almost steals the film as Selina Kyle, a cat burgler treading a thin path of amorality. Oldman gets his east coast twang out and Modine provides a cowardly foil for Gordon Levitt to embarass. Elsewhere, a fine supporting cast, including Tom Conti as someone best described as “not English”, fill out CIA agents, thugs and money men, Morgan Freeman wears a bow tie with aplomb, Marion Cotillard wanders in from Inception and Michael Caine can’t stop giving speeches and crying.

It feel’s churlish to kick holes in a superhero flick but Nolan has infused his films with such an intelligence that this trilogy should be treated as more than a blockbuster designed to shift more Burger King meals. Any film with a budget the wrong side of $200 million that explores socialism, the 99% and Occupy Wall Street movements wants to be taken seriously (EBFS never, never wants Nolan OR Bale to do a comedy) which is where coincidence comes in. In a flawed yet majestically bruised narrative, coincidence just keeps rearing it’s ugly, lying head. Televisions spray out useful information at perfect times (a classic movie trope), people are ALWAYS in the right place at the right time, the Batwing is accessible every time something needs blowing up and by the time Bruce Wayne travels from a dusty faraway land back to Gotham, sans passport, money, food or any obvious way back into his city to locate Selina Kyle ON THE STREET intervening in a mugging all the fight to believe has taken a sharp exit.

The action sequences, spectacular dual plane opening aside, contain non of the verve or invention that made The Dark Knight so vivid. Nothing here compares to the bank heist or the truck flip from the previous film. The bike chase after the stock market heist is muddled and ponderous and an underwhelming introduction for the Batman after eight years in retirement, the Batwing ruins any tension by being a safety net after every fight (EBFS feels this whole “Bane” thing could’ve been sorted out if Batman NEVER left his stupid batcopter) and the total rip off of the Gangs of New York, stalking each other through a riot mess that precludes the finale between Bat and Bane feels cumbersome and unlikely in a gun heavy crowd. Inception’s hour long, three level, action packed finale feels fucking light years away from TDKR‘s attempts to shoehorn pathos and regret and pain into everything Batman does.

The Dark Knight Rises is epic, Wagnerian, movie making on an almost unprecedented scale. Kudos must go to all involved in even attempting such a venture and for bringing brains back to the multiplex. That it doesn’t quite work is a point to be debated but ultimately will prove futile as the Church of Batman grows in strength. At least until the inevitable reboot…..

Finally, Andrei Rublev is 174 minutes long, The Dark Knight Rises is 165 minutes in duration and no one even attempts to make a giant bell…

Agree? Then let us know, or check out the review by @noonanjohnc here.

The Dark Knight Rises (2012) by @noonanjohnc

This summer sees Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy close with The Dark Knight Rises. The last sequel, The Dark Knight, separates the offices of EBFS right down the middle. One half find it a overwrought film that falls apart as soon as you start picking at the threads, whilst the other still refuses to get rid of his Joker T-shirt. What can’t be denied is that it made a lot of money and a sequel was called for. Let’s not forget that Nolan never intended any of this to be a trilogy. He had bigger plans – such as folding Paris in half and dicking about with dreams. So how does it all pan out?

Broken and reclusive, Bruce Wayne (Bale) has spent eight years living solely in the east wing of Wayne manor. With the Batman still wanted for the murder of Harvey Dent and his childhood sweetheart dead, Wayne has chosen to cut himself off from the Gotham elite. At a charity event he is hosting, but not attending, the catering staff swap stories about the potentially disfigured Wayne; the host seemingly not knowing or caring that he is becoming ever more mythical than his own alter ego. For Wayne it’s more about hiding from his past actions. And this theme runs throughout the film, not just with Wayne but with those whose lives he’s touched. From his butler Alfred (Michael Caine) hiding his emotions and the actions he took in the previous film, to the newly appointed Commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldham) struggling to cope with the lies surrounding Dent’s death and the subsequent career boost it has given him. Even newcomer Selina Kyle (Anne Hathaway), who is Catwoman in everything but name, wants to keep her past on the low-down.

Throw into the mix uber terrorist, Bane (Thomas Hardy) and salt of the earth cop, John Blake (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and, as the kids says, shit is going to go down.

Up front, if you’re expecting this final part of the trilogy to be a toe gazing affair, with some of the trailers being less than action filled, then be assured that Nolan’s set pieces are fantastic. The terror Bane unleashes at a football game is awesome. And we mean that in the awe inspiring fashion, not the ‘dude, I bought an iPad and it’s awesome’ kind of affair. To be honest though, we genuinely expected nothing less from a man that gave us zero-G fighting in a hotel corridor. Everything has been so beautifully realised that you wish all movies could be like this, regardless of genre.

It’s interesting that the selling point of Nolan’s Dark Knight Universe has been about keeping everything as realistic as possible – not always successfully, with The Dark Knight’s Two-Face proving to be just a little bit too out there – and yet, Rises is probably the most comic book out of the three. Mixing as it does, the storylines of Knightfall, No Man’s Land and, shudder, The Dark Knight Returns.

And that is what needs to be understood, regardless of who is behind the camera, this is a superhero movie. Is Thor a piece of Shakespearean tragedy because Kenneth Branagh directed? No, we only really remember an Aussie punching a rock beast in the head whilst Natalie Portman looked on doe-eyed. What we’re trying to say is that there are, have and will always be lofty expectations for a film when you mention a director of Nolan’s calibre is on board. Could you imagine what would happen nowadays if Kubrick was alive and shipping Tom Cruise over to the UK for a reboot of Hong Kong Phooey?

Nolan is, without a doubt, a genius. He never looks down at his audience; treating them with respect and making no assumptions about what they can take in. However, to compare Rises to Inception, Memento and The Prestige in terms of story seems unfair. Aside from a few twisty turny points, this is a very straight forward affair, and if that sounds like we’re damning it with faint praise, we’re really not. We’re just aware that some people are going into Rises thinking ‘Nolan, expand my mind damn you!’ and being disappointed that they’ve been presented with nothing more than a story about a man dressed as a flying rat. If you didn’t buy into the other two, then you’re not going to buy into this.

Yes, it’s very linear in its move to the end, but it’s the way Nolan weaves cameos and scenes from the first two into the overall film that make you appreciate that it is one part of a dark, brooding whole. Something that The Amazing Spider-Man clearly wants to do, but frankly doesn’t have the mileage yet.

In terms of cast, it’s probably Michael Caine that rises to the top of the pile. His scenes with Bale are emotional, truthful and show what a class act he actually is. At the bottom end of the scale, we have Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Anne Hathaway. Hathaway doesn’t do much apart from shake her fist at Bruce Wayne, Batman and Bane respectively. It’s fair to say that a lot more was done with the character of Catwoman in Tim Burton’s Batman Returns. A little more time spent giving her a backstory other than ‘I wanna get out of the crime scene, see?’ and there would definitely be a bit more weigh to her role. We love Gordon-Levitt but, continuing his frowning from Inception, he really does very little apart from bounce between the characters, engaging them in conversation and signposting the ending to come.

Finally, we come to our antagonist, the mighty Bane; who we last saw in Joel Schumacher’s Batman and Robin. Bane, a Latin criminal mastermind and all out badass, was reduced to a cookie cutter henchman in a wrestling mask. In Nolan’s Rises, Bane is introduced through a literal airplane kidnapping scene that goes some way to showing that he is more than capable of standing toe to toe with the Batman. Hardy’s choice of giving Bane an eloquent, reedy voice contrasts wonderfully with the brick outhouse that is his physique. Bane feels like a definite threat to Batman. Whereas The Dark Knight saw the Joker running like an agent of chaos dizzy on lemonade, Bane is a disciplined agent of order who doesn’t see the Batman as an enemy but simply an obstacle to be overcome.

And yes, for fear of receiving death threats and being unable to review on rottontomatoes.com, there are some issues that mean Rises is not completely perfect. In the third act, there is a plot hole so huge that no amount of pub discussion and conjecture will ever successfully fill it. It will only ever be determined in fan fiction, and with Nolan’s attention to detail it grates that he let this slip by.

There’s also that problem of exposition. Sometimes it’s better to show something rather than say it and this is certainly true in Rises. When a character is having their raison d’être explained, it’s a lot more believable if it isn’t spelt out by someone being beaten up by said character. Inception just about got away with it because there was so much going on, you had to have a moment to explain, but here it just grinds the film down to a snail’s pace.

With The Amazing Spider-Man showing what happens when you let the suits control your product, it’s comforting to know that there are people like Nolan who, despite the commercial nature of their product, are willing to put their whole being into something. Nolan will never return to this universe and the sad truth is that DC will want another reboot as they gear up for their Justice League movie. Until then, let us be comforted in the knowledge that this is the tidemark from which all other superhero movies should be measured. Simply a joy from beginning to end.

Agree? Then let us know, or check out the review by @DonDubrow here.

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012)

Whilst this summer sees one trilogy close with The Dark Knight Rises, another opens in the form of The Amazing Spider-Man. In summary: Peter Parker (Andrew Garfield). Spider. Bite. ‘Ooh, I can climb walls, I can!’. Swinging. Gwen Stacy (Emma Stone). Improbable bad guys (Rhys Ifans). New York. Soft rock music.

The last time we had a Spider-Man movie was in 2007 with the underwhelming Spider-Man 3, which saw Sam Raimi bowing to pressure from Marvel to make it even more fan-friendly. This resulted in a poorly sketched attempt to bring Venom into Raimi’s universe, which didn’t fit in with the wide-eyed joy that was Spider-Man and Spider-Man 2.

So, what does Mark Webb give us with The Amazing Spider-Man? Well, everything has been rewound and Marvel is asking us to witness the birth of Spider-Man again, with what has been promised as being ‘more like James Bond’ and even compared to the likes of Hamlet.

Up front, it’s just simply not amazing. But what is there is enjoyable enough.

Garfield is brilliant as Peter Parker/Spider-Man. The starched shirts and v-neck jumpers of the Parker Past have been replaced with a Parker not too dissimilar to Marvel’s Ultimate Spider-Man. He’s geek-chic, cool designed by committee, rides a skateboard and isn’t afraid to be disrespectful to his peers. And yet, despite all that, Garfield makes Parker likeable. Even though he is only a couple of years younger than this reviewer, he manages to radiate awkward teen better than others who have tackled the complexeties of puberty. Cough, Tobey Maguire, cough.

When the mask is on, Garfield is completely believable as the arachnid hero. There was a danger, suggested from the trailers, that this time round, we were going to get a Dark Knight spider; all mopey ‘tude and gritty realism. However, Garfield is as much of a friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man as you would expect. Though, we don’t think, in our life time, that we will ever see a reasonable explanation as to how a 17 year old makes a convincing superhero costume.

Read any interview with Rhys Ifans and you’ll see he attacked the role of tortured Dr Curt Conners with a large amount of lovey gusto. As well as comparing the film to Hamlet (see above), he was also quite open about wanting Conner not to be seen as a villain, but a man cheated by God. We’ll be honest and say we didn’t see the theological layers he added to the part, but what we did see was excellent enough. Ifans never really taking Conners to the level of father figure the script suggests he should have been doing, but still showing a man in turmoil.

Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy, whilst confident and, whisper it, pretty funny, does suffer from having absolutely sod all to do in the film, except pretend to be caught in a triangle with Garfiled and her screen father, Dennis Leary. This total lack of background means Stacy becomes many things to many people throughout the film (we counted no less than three separate vocations for Ms. Stacy); leaving the impression that she’s just being used as something to move the plot along and provide exposition when needed.

The surprising part of Spider-Man is Martin Sheen. We never thought we’d ever write this sentence, but Sheen is adorable as Uncle Ben. Whilst Parker is doe-eyed for Conners; Sheen’s Uncle Ben waits paitiently at the sidelines for Parker to find his way back home. And you’d have to be living under a rock for 60 years to not know how that works out. However, we won’t lie. SPOILERS! The loss of Uncle Ben’s infamous pep-talk is sorely missed; the scriptwriters – unfortunately following that old linguistic joke of never using big words when diminutive ones will suffice – giving us something that felt like a 3am decision. END SPOILERS!

Mark Webb’s decision to stay away from CGI as much as much as possible is certainly welcome and goes that long way to making a man swinging through New York City absolutely believable. For us, the fight scenes were some of the best parts of the film. It’s a shame that the Spidey POV that was pushed into our eyeballs on a regular basis in the lead up to the release, is used so sparingly in the final result. Anyone who enjoyed the two minute run across the rooftops from the trailers will be dissapotined to hear that it’s been chopped up and moved around. But that’ s a minor quibble when you sit through the punch up that sees spider versus lizard in high school. For those wondering, yes, that is exactly how a fight in EBFS is resolved – whoever punches the other through a wall first wins.

With regards to the plot, with it already having been decided that Spider-Man is going to be a trilogy/quadrilogy/dodecahedrilogy, plot lines are picked up and dropped in a way that suggests that Columbia – and let’s be honest, this commercial part of the film has nothing to do with anyone but the suits – really expect us to think ‘wow! I can’t wait for the sequel’. Rather than enticing us, it just left us annoyed. Elements of Uncle Ben’s death are left unnecessarily unresolved for what appears to be, for no other reason, than to stretch it out across the subsequent chapters. And to be blunt the missing parents storyline was, in this film at least, a laboured way to get Parker to meet Conners. This is a shame because for us it was these plot elements that overshadowed the genuinely excellent and thrilling parts of the film.

In summary, EBFS still believe that this could easily have been a Spider-Man 4 or a even a stand alone film not reliant on sequels. We look forward to seeing what the team do with the sequel and new material. It’s just a solid superhero movie rather than a shining example of what could have been done with Spidey’s origins.

The Avengers (2012)

The first three chapters out of the Marvel Studios stable were, it’s fair to say, a mixed bag. Jon Favreau’s Iron Man was a solid affair that tried to ground Tony Stark firmly in reality, only for it all to blow up in his face with the ill-judged, ill-paced, ill-Mickey Rourke sequel that was nothing more than a PowerPoint about daddy issues. The Incredible Hulk tried to put the comic back into comic book movie after Ang Lee’s previous effort, Hulk. Instead, powered by Edward Norton’s self-importance, it lost its way in the second half and became as involving as a film of two CGI characters beating the shit out of each could be.

If Marvel Studios took stock of all this is up for debate, but what can be agreed on is their next two efforts, Captain America: The First Avenger and Thor, brought a lot more to table. Tighter pacing, more experimentation (Go on, who had money on Kenneth Branagh directing Thor?) and more importantly a genuine sense of fun that was lost in The Incredible Hulk and Iron Man 2. They stopped being about simply pleasing the whims of the fanboy and more about being ensuring that everyone had a good time. Which brings us bang up to date with The Avengers, written and directed by Joss Whedon and starring pretty much everyone from the last five Marvel movies with the Ted Norton sized hole being filled in by Mark Ruffalo.

So, to summarise; Thor’s (Chris Hemsworth) half brother, Loki (Tom Hiddleston), has returned from his exile and he’s bringing an army of aliens intent on taking over the planet Earth. Only the Avengers can stop them. Except the Avengers don’t exist yet. Yep, despite the seemingly never-ending appearances in other people’s films, Nick Fury (Samuel L Jackson) hasn’t actually got round to gathering everyone up due to his funding being pulled. So he spends part of the first act trying to re-convince people to join his gang with a little help from ex-soviet spy, Black Widow (Scarlett Johanssen) and uber-archer, Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner). And when I say ‘part of’, I mean it. Joss Whedon has made it very clear that the backbone of his film is the clash of characters that comes from Marvel’s rosta, so it’s no surprise we speed through getting the band back together.

When everyone is present and correct, Whedon’s script ensures that the one-liners fly as fast and as hard as the fists. Like Whedon’s previous work, it’s the dialogue that shines through. From the culture clash between Captain America (Chris Evans) vs Iron Man (Robert Downey Jnr) right down through the almost Shakespearean verbal sparring between Loki and Thor to the grunting match between Thor and Hulk, it all just works. However, it’s not all about the words is it? You came to see a rock show, not some Poet Laureate, I know. And be assured that Whedon delivers on that front too. From the annihilation of Manhattan Island to the downing of a village sized airship, Whedon’s direction is confident with a healthy dash of experimentation. On top this, we have a number of superhero fights that are sure to plague the forums for years to come. With this and 2005’s Serenity, it’ll be interesting to see how he deals with the more visually sober Much Ado About Nothing later this year.

With so many characters on-screen, there is always the danger that some of Earth’s mightiest are going to be MIA. And unfortunately this does happen. Jeremy Renner seems to spend most of his time appearing in a completely different film. There’s probably a few reasons why there hasn’t been a Hawkeye movie and this movie highlights them. Whilst even Scarlet Johanssen gets to do a hell of a lot more than she did in Iron Man 2 (she comes across something resembling a human being as opposed to a Tony Stark sex doll), Renner just stomps around smoldering. I would almost argue that he’s surplus to requirements if it wasn’t for Maria Hill played by Cobie Smulders, who has inherited the lion’s share of exposition dialogue; ‘What happens now Fury?’, ‘Where’s Captain America?’ etc.

On the opposite end of the spectrum is Mark Ruffalo as the world’s worst sponsor for anger management, Dr Bruce Banner/Hulk. Ruffalo is a delight every time he’s on-screen. Compared to Eric Bana and Edward Norton’s portrayal of Banner, Ruffalo plays him less tortured soul and more man just trying really hard to be left alone. Even when he does dip his toe into melodrama and confesses all about his alter-ego, it works for him rather than against him (‘I swallowed a bullet, he spat it back out’). When he finally does lose his rag, The Hulk (voiced by 70s original Lou Ferrigno) is impossible to watch without a big, cheesy grin on your face.

In summary, The Avengers is fantastic addition to the Marvel Studio canon. Like Thor and Captain America, it reminds you that, yes, films like this can never be more than fun and explosions, but that doesn’t mean they have to be instantly forgettable (Hello Spiderman 3). If they can keep this kind of quality control, which really does mean trusting your talent to call the shots rather than forcing them into bad decisions (hello again Spiderman 3) then the thought of the forthcoming Thor 2, Captain America 2, Iron Man 3 and The Avengers 2 seems less depressing then it originally did.

The Haunted World of El Superbeasto (2009)

The Haunted World of El Superbeasto is Rob Zombie’s love letter to the exploitation movies of the 50s and 60s, whilst embracing the video nasties of the 80s. The films of Russ Meyer mingle with She Wolf of the SS animated in the style of Fritz the Cat. Sound like an absolute mess? You’re absolutely right.

El Superbeasto is a one joke affair that probably started with Zombie thinking ‘wouldn’t it be funny if a porn star/ex-luchador took on a man pretending to be the Devil?’. He then sat down with a 13 year, gave him rough summary and let the kid get to work on a script with crayons and a copy of Zoo.

It’s like the cinematic equivalent of a Slurpee. The animation is bright and vibrant enough to entice you, but after you’ve finished you realise that there is no nutritional value to be taken from it at all. The first scene is a porn movie which ends abruptly when the female leads are turned into demons and El Superbeasto has to mince them up and you’d think it couldn’t get any more up in your face. You’d be wrong. What follows next is a sea of gore, meta-references, breasts, breasts, breasts, nazis, breasts, horny robots, talking gorillas, Manchester United references and breasts. And despite all this, it’s extremely boring. After the 14th decapitation, I found myself looking at my watch and wondering if the pubs were still open. I don’t think the film wants to deliberately shock you, but it most certainly wants to recognised as being edgy. Look at me, it cries, I have Hitler’s head in a jar! Please like me! Please!

After the shock of ennui has passed (and it’ll take a while), the second biggest shock is the cast they’ve roped in. Paul Giamatti and Rosario Dawson must have either received an unexpected gas bill or their agent lied, because without the Ralph Bakshi-esque animation this must have looked like a miserable piece of work written down. Giamatti is entertaining enough as Dr Satan; the typical school nerd turned supervillan, but Dawson as his bride, Velvet von Black, is horrific from beginning to end. Spouting numerous cliches from blaxpoltation movies, she is the worst minor-character since Fat Bastard.

The bottom line is that El Superbeasto wants to be inappropriately funny, but in reality, it’s just inappropriate.

 

Batman: Year one (2011)

Moody, moody, moody moody Batman… Batmaan… Batmaaaaan.

The key word, if you haven’t already guessed, is moody. The latest straight to DVD movie from the DC stable, Batman: Year one, is based on the comic series by Frank Miller of the same name, which in turn was the basis for Christopher Nolan’s equally moody Batman Begins. If you’re comic aficionado or just happen to have seen Sin City, you’ll know what to expect from Miller’s tale of the Caped Crusader’s first steps into crime fighting.

Inner monologues that sound like the same person no matter who is talking? Check.

Laughable attempts to make everything seem grown up? Check. Selina Kyle AKA Catwoman is a prostitute, Batman says ‘fuck’ and 90% of the fight scenes happen in Gotham’s red light district.

That sneaky feeling this is all a bit misogynistic? Check. As well Catwoman being a lady of the night (did I mention that?) who looks after a 12 year old prostitute, the only other strong female character is merely used as a plot device for the soon-to-be Commissioner Gordon to have his end away with.

As this is a serious film about serious grown up things – did I mention Batman says fuck? –  there is a huge effort to ground this all in reality. A commendable effort that is somewhat skewed by the fact that everyone appears to have unbelievable superhuman strength. If it’s Gordon kick boxing like Sagat from Street Fighter II, it’s Selina Kyle leaping out of a four storey building before landing safely on concrete and Bruce Wayne punching a pile of bricks to dust before kicking a tree in half. Seriously. In half.

Yes, this is a cartoon world, films have to earn your suspension of disbelief. A man dressing as a bat is going to be difficult already without him having to ability to beat the shit out of oaks.

The plot hangs around a series of snapshots taken during the course of 12 months. Whilst this makes for interesting viewing, some sub-plots are picked up and dropped quicker than an X-Factor winner. Depending on how you look at this, this can be a bit frustrating. How come Batman’s life journey is acceptably concluded whilst Catwoman’s is left open?

It’s not all bad. The minimalist animation works is effective and the denouement is equally low key (if you count babies falling from a bridge low-key), which goes some way to showing that the film can do subtlety when it can be bothered.

Overall, Year One isn’t so much a bad film as a missed opportunity. It has a criminally short running time (just over 60 minutes) and there is just not enough of an attempt made to get inside the head of Bruce Wayne. Did I mention it’s incredibly moody? I’m not saying Batman needs to light a fart or anything, but the darkness would contrast better if it was up against some lighter moments.

Oh yeah, Batman says ‘fuck’.

 

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

To be honest, Captain America is one of those comic book characters I never cared for (A bit like the Green Lantern, and look how that turned out). He’s always struck me as a someone reeking of jingoism. He even pre-dates Team America by a good 60-odd years, but back then he had a purpose. He took on the old National Socialists and helped kids feel safer about what was going on around them and helped them love propaganda that little bit more. I’m sure my view point is not that controversial. Even Marvel/Paramount realised the character’s somewhat niche marketability and released this latest movie adaptation of old red, white and blue to the foreign markets with two titles; Captain America and The First Avenger. The latter adopted by Russia and South Korea.

So, yeah. I’m not a fan. Which is why it was all the more surprising to find myself really enjoying this two hours of WW2 comic book gumph. Captain America tells the story of how Chris Evans’s freaky CGI body becomes super-buff so he can take on Hugo Weaving’s freaky CGI head. Or something to that effect.

A lot has been made of the great efforts used to make Chris Evans look skinny. I had originally thought that they were going to blu-tac his head on to some skinny bugger in the same way they did for Fred Claus. Obviously they didn’t and the effects used are extremely well done. Unlike Fred Claus, which needs to curl up and die somewhere or be gone long enough for us to forgive Paul Giamatti. Whichever comes first.

The tone of movie works well. It was a brave move to set the entire story within World War 2. They could have gone the way of 1990’s Captain America and have him fighting Red Skull in 1993, which may have been the easier option. Don’t get me wrong. There’s about as much depth to this as there is in the eco-fable that was its predecessor. However, you’re being taken on such a ride, it doesn’t really matter.

Hugo Weaving – word class scenery chewer. That is all that needs to be said.

Oh, it has some horrible moments in it. Tony Stark’s father makes an extended cameo for no other reason than for people to go ‘ooooh, look it’s Tony Stark’s father! He has a mustache’. The underwritten romance between Evans and Hayley Atwells does grate with it’s needless will-they-won’t-they bollocks, but not enough to ruin the film as a whole. What does piss me off the return of Marvel’s favourite fucking bookend, Samuel L Jackson. It is this reviewer’s humble opinion that the sooner they do a Nick Fury movie, the sooner it will bomb harder than David Hassehoff’s effort and we can all get on with our lives, enjoying films that don’t have him in them. And if anyone dares mention it’s worthwhile because it’s linking everything together for The Avengers movie, may I offer that you go play in the traffic.

So, in summary Captain Amer-I-CA — FUCK YEAH!

It’s not that good, but I couldn’t resist that last line.

Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010)

The plot loosely follows the Red Hood storyline as Batman finds himself up against a new mobster in town. Who is the mysterious Red Hood and what is his need for vengenace? Well, if you know your comics, then you already know the answer. And if you don’t, then no worries. Unlike their live action movie, Green Lantern, DC make sure they signpost all their exposition with the subtlety of being accosted by a rhino.

Woah, and boy, did someone got out of the wrong side of the bed. That’s the only way to explain how moody this film actually is. Everyone is so angry. Batman, Robin, Nightwing, the Joker… Clearly trying to mimic Christopher Nolan’s efforts, Red Hood tries to cling to grim reality. This only serves to make the genuine comic book moments stand out like a sore thumb; robot ninjas, Neil Patrick Harris, ability to leap ONTO church roofs… Nolan undestanding that you can’t have any of of these if you want to make the story of a man who dresses up as a bat as real as possible, ignore robot ninjas.

There’s much else to say about Under the Red Hood. For all it’s grittiness, it’s as light and fluffy as Ben 10. It’s the cinematic equivalent of Scotch mist. If I have to say something good, then I will leave you with the one stand out scene which shows that Futurama’s John DiMaggio is no Mark Hamill, but he makes a pretty okay Joker.

G’night folks.

Green Lantern (2011)

When my fellow EBFS associate and I were young, we would often play superheroes. Batman, Superman, Spiderman and even Lion-O would be the opinion formers of our young fertile imaginations. Do you know who we never pretended to be? Green Lantern. Not once. Mainly because we had never heard of in the UK. Now, over the years, I’ve picked up a few bits and pieces about Green Lantern and, if I can be honest, it never really tightened my trousers.

Green Lantern, a superhero who is one of 7,200 other members of the Green Lantern Corps who, in turn, share exactly the same powers. He’s hardly special in the wider spectrum. The anthropomorphic Howard the Duck has more individuality compared to Hal Jordan. Now, please don’t get me wrong. I’m aware Green Lantern has a dedicated fan-base. I mean, who doesn’t admire someone whose biggest weakness is Yellow. ‘Argh, look out! It’s Big Bird. I’m fucked!’ DC and Warner Brothers know this as well, which is why they’ve been pushing Green Lantern movie as being the next best thing to Christopher Reeve rising from the dead and doing another Superman movie.

Now, I’ve been a bit late to the game because Lantern’s release was held back in Australia. Not sure why, but the fact they didn’t even release it during the Winter holidays in July suggests to me they didn’t think even kids would want to see it.

The film tells the story of Hal Jordan, a fighter pilot and asshole, who is given a ring and becomes a superhero and asshole. That’s pretty much it. I really don’t know have anything else to say about the plot. The Green Lantern is by far one of the worse superhero movies since Catwoman. Wait, scratch that. Leonard Part 6. It’s that bad. Before I enjoy myself, let’s get its good points out of the way. They are:

• The brevity of it – Under two hours is a bonus
• The special effects – For all it’s detractors, I actually thought the special were pretty good
• Geoffrey Rush – Who doesn’t fucking love him?!
• Being a DC film, it’s one of the few comic book movies that doesn’t have frigging Samuel L. Jackson

What’s wrong with the film? Well, how many ways are there to leave your lover. Let’s break it down into bite-size chunks.

Ryan Reynolds/Hal Jordan
The cinema’s answer to a poor man’s impression of Bradley Cooper. ‘Buried’ showed that Reynolds can be more than a sitcom actor severely punching above his weight. As Hal Jordan, Reynolds takes the novel approach of playing our hero as the biggest douche in the universe. During a battle simulation against a couple of plane drones, Hal sacrifices his wing-man in order to beat the drones, thus preventing them from being sold and, finally, meaning that a lot of people are made unemployed. Reynolds winks, giggles and flies off. Presumably we’re meant to think ‘wow, he’s so anti-authority, I wish I were him’. Didn’t work for me. I immediately thought he was a bucked toothed, tall glass of piss tasting milk. They also try to give Hal backstory, but all this boils down to is ‘dead daddy issues’. Yawn.

Peter Sarsgaard/Dr Hector Hammond
Hector is not a bad guy name. The Joker, Venom, Green Goblin… These are bad guy names. Hector Hammond is not a bad guy name. I don’t care he was in the comic book, he sounds like an accountancy firm. And he’s so whiny… God, he’s whiny. Least there’s no kitchen fucking.

Exposition
Most comic books try to establish a connection between the goody and the baddy. ‘The Green Lantern’ has no time for this. DC have decided that the chances are that if you’re in the cinema then you’re a Lantern fan and, therefore, don’t need to be told any backstory. This explains why they don’t extend on Hector and Hal’s relationship until the last half hour… Try and imagine having a conversation with a feriend in a pub. Halfway through the conversdation, your friend breaks off to have a conversation with some that’s walking past. You hear every word, but don’t understand what’s going on. You’d ask, but feel rude doing so. That’s what this film does. It makes you feel bad for wanting to know what the fuck is going on. Even the surprise ending following the credits makes no sense unless you’ve read the comics.

Pacing
‘Guys, I’ve been watching the final edit and I like what I see. That whole first hour where it’s ‘Hal Jordan: An asshole in portrait’ is great. Then when you follow it up with two hours of shooting shit up… Blew my mind!’

‘Glad you liked it.’

‘The thing is.. The folks upstairs want a film that comes in under two hours. They were thinking that maybe Reynolds should step into the suit within the 20 minute mark.’

‘Gee, the asshole part is pretty intricate to the whole thing…’

‘Yeah, I know. Look it’s either that or the two hours where Green Lantern shoot shits up… I know you guys will make the right decision.’

Aaaand that is exactly why (probably) the finale is so rushed.

All in all, Green Lantern is pretty poor as comic book films go. If this works out to be a trilogy, they really need to buck their ideas up… Or just not do it. Yeah, that would be better.

*Five minutes later*

Noonan: Well, that’s that review done. Oh, look there’s that yellow ring that makes you evil. May as well put it on with no real motivation for doing so.

BOOM!

Noonan: Yep. Looks like I’m evil!

Nick Fury: Wanna join the Avengers?

Noonan: Yay! To the inevitable sequel!